I hope there are moments you look back on your life’s journey.
When such moments are earnest enough, it’s easier to find closure in the phases that trouble the soul.
That’s what I think is happening to this lady when she told me this (her) story, recently.
‘’I met my ex-husband at a party some years back. It was during the festive season and he was this fresh London returnee at the party.
We caught each other’s attention and exchanged contact details.
He was educated. Had a good job. And he was single.
I found my way to London through his help. Although I had plans to stay in a relationship we agreed that I visit him first. One thing led to another after a few months with me and I became pregnant.
He was not enthusiastic about the news but he received it calmly.
One midnight (some days later), he woke me up and told me that he was going to support me and the child but there would be no marriage because he did not love me.
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Those words loosened a nut in my head and I became more determined to have him. Not after I had learned about another lady that he was parading back in Nigeria.
Well, I had the child. But nothing changed between us, not minding that we slept together when we were in the mood. His parents (being traditional people) intervened and he carried out our marriage rites.
I thought the children between us would change our relationship but things became worse between us. He became more emotionally distant and involved with other women.
The words he told me on one occasion that we had issues were “I can never make you happy”.
Those words traumatised me for years. And I went to extremes to hurt him as well.
Our children were adversely affected by all the bad blood and drama. And it took its toll on one of them who succumbed to street life and got into the bad books of the authorities.
I wanted this man to love me. But he became worse. And it brought out someone else in me. No other man was good enough for me. I took on his women callers. I even dabbled into revenge cheating, because I was told that it would make him come back to his senses.
The home of a particular pastor (who milked me dry with his wife and children) became my second house.
He told people that he felt deceived because I told him that I was relocating to stay with a sibling but ended up in his house.
What didn’t help matters was my obsession with getting the lady he was parading in Nigeria out of the way.
It was unthinkable that I would lose to someone that I considered a “local champion”.
My ex knelt and was crying on that day he was proposing we go our separate ways.
I am the one who believed that a baby in the picture would make him come around.
Of course, the baby was able to chase the other lady away but did not give me his heart.’’
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From Oby…
Going your way when the other party is not into you saves a lot!
It is not every relationship battle that deserves your energy. Some simply require going your way. They would have eventually to co-parent more happily. Their child would have been saved from the streets.
This sister would have even rebuilt her life faster.
Anger, bitterness, pain, and regrets would not have gone far in their midst.
Women who have maturity don’t stay to fight for unrequited love. They move on with their lives, no matter how heavy their heart is.
The lives of the parties in this story have been scarred, one way or the other.
I am addressing any young lady who is where she is not wanted today, especially after they have told you in no uncertain terms that you are not who they want to go that route (marriage) with.
Please, retrace your steps. Quit that setting. And don’t force it.
He will not come around and the experience will damage you.
The worst thing that can happen to you is being in a marriage you know your spouse would rather not be in.
Going your way is not being defeated.
It is choosing your sanity.
It is choosing your dignity.
It is taking back your life early enough to rebuild it.
It is letting go. And letting God.
It is saving yourself a lot.
Believe it or not, we damage people’s happiness with our desperation and scheming.
A marriage that both of you are not excitedly going to is already standing in a quicksand.
