Signals are signs, indicators, pointers and revealers. They say something about personalities, situations, places. For instance, when someone has malaria, the common features in the person include headache, high body temperature, shivering, and bitter mouth taste. When a person is in this state, malaria becomes the greatest suspect. You can not fault that conclusion.
Likewise, when a marriage is sick, there are ill health indicators that will be visible. When you see such things in any marriage, they are signals that, if a married person ignores, will be at his or her perils. They speak volumes about the state of the marriage, and calls for urgent attention from concerned people. Just like a doctor does in ascertaining the sicknesses people have, a marriage counselor will also be looking out for these signals in a marriage, in order to proffer solutions for it.
The following will tell a person, married or a counselor or even a concerned person that a marriage is sick.
Poor sex life
This is a strong indicator of an unhealthy marriage. One of the reasons for marriage contract is sexual enjoyment. It provides a person with an avenue to legitimately and unashamedly engage in sex. So, when a marriage puts on the toga of poor sex, it is a sign that all is not well with such a marriage. Poor sex life in marriage makes a spouse to avoid sex, be inactive during sex act, make demand (s) before having sex with his or her spouse, abstain from sex for months, etc. The situation can become so bad that a couple may come to a point of making sex a “no go area” in the marriage. When this is the case, the couple should realize that their marriage is sick, and if it death must be avoided, treatment must be sought for, and urgently too, for that matter.
I have come to realize that many marriages are at the state of poor sex life. A lot of couples are just patching it up, and presenting a make belief picture in the public. I once heard from a lady who had a sex break of over one year with her husband, at a time in the marriage. The husband stopped asking her for sex, and she also refused to make demand for it, when in the mood. They were both suffering and smiling through it. It took an interesting Intervention for them to resume for sex “duty”. The husband eventually opened up that he stopped asking for sex because the wife was always saying that he was having sex for free, because he lost his job.
When sex between a married couple becomes rare or irregular. That is, when sex doesn’t flow regularly between them, their marriage is in need of help. It’s an indication that the marriage has lost connection- a good flow of emotional feeling.
Except on the ground of ill health, sex between a married couple should be a regular act according to their agreement. Even when it is for agreed spiritual reasons, it should not be for too long a period of time. Otherwise, a spouse may be exposed to unreasonable temptation. I once heard of a deputy pastor who impregnated his pastor’s wife, fathering two of his children. The pastor was ever away on the mountain, and left his wife in the care of the deputy pastor, who was younger and unmarried, living in the same premises with the couple.
When rare sex is the situation, it means that one or both partners us/are not happy in the marriage. The reasons for this type of a situation can be unfulfilled marital expectations, emotional distress, life or career set backs, or lack of sexual fulfillment by one of the couple.
Whatever may be the reason, the point is that what we have before us is a sick marriage, and calls for urgent attention. Otherwise, it is heading for the rocks.
The implications of such an unhealthy marriage are infidelity, mental health breakdown, emotional or physical abuse, separation, and divorce. It’s a common feature of the cases at the courts these days, to seek for divorce on the ground of poor sex life. This ground used to be concealed under other grounds in the past, but today, the chicken has come home to roast. The story is being told, or the picture is being presented, as it is.
Salvaging such a marital situation requires the cooperation of the couple. They must agree that there is a problem, and be willing to find solutions for it. So, the primary responsibility in this wise rests squarely on the shoulders of the couple. They must take their destiny in their hands, face it, and fix it.
However, if they now find it impossible to resolve the issues around their poor sex life, the secondary Intervention of a third party becomes relevant. The third party here can be their “child”, mentor, friend, counselor or a religious leader.
Passive communication
Marriage is consummated for companionship. It’s one of the agreed grounds for marriage contract, whether legal or traditional settings. When communication between a couple has broken down, it’s the point where a ground of irreconcilable differences becomes the reason for divorce. Communication breaks down when one of the couple is not receiving the message. Effective communication demands that both the sender and the receiver are on the same page- the message being communicated is being received and understood.
A lady said her broken down marriage started with mono syllable communication between her and her husband. That is, the communication degenerated to the level of”good morning”, “welcome”, “good bye”, etc.
This kind of communication between a married couple is a signal that the marriage is sick.
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Lack of fun
Being happily married is fun. The fun is part of what make a marital relationship a sweet experience for the couple. Jokes, joint outings, throwing of healthy banters about the days of wooing of, and courtship add fun to the marriage. When a couple do not find avenue for fun in the marriage, the implication is that of a sickly marriage
One sided decision making process
A marriage in which only one of the couple calls the short in taking vital decisions is an unhealthy marriage. Even, for the husband who is traditionally recognized as the head in a marriage, the inputs of the wife in the process of decision making should not be trivialized. Joint decisions should be the right and appropriate approach in a marriage.
A spouse should not Lord things over the other because of his or her economic power. The popular saying that “he who pays the piper, dictates the tune”, should not come to play in a marriage. When this is not so, that marriage is qualified to be called “endangered”. READ ALSO:
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