Sexual skills for healthy living of married couples

By Bosede Ola-Samuel

We should not continue to take a helpless posture on these many deaths when there is a seemingly simple solution within our reach. The married must begin to take the bull by the horns on the matter of regular sex if we will not be held accountable for these many cancer-related deaths among us. It’s due to this concern that I address the issue of sexual skills to help us achieve regular and pleasurable s3x in marriage.

Many women wonder why their husbands are still not satisfied despite all the sacrifices they make to be available for sex, and many men likewise are bothered about why their wives still make excuses whenever they make sexual advances towards them, despite their effort to satisfy them the last time they had s3x. The truth is, s3x is more than rising and sinking or entering in and pouring out. I mean what gives a couple maximum pleasure and best satisfaction is more than entering into and coming out of the female vagina.

For a couple to enjoy maximum sexual pleasure, there are ways to go about it. This knowledge is what is lacking in many marriages and it is causing a lot of pain, heartache, and great disappointment for couples. Many wives are dodging sex with their spouses due to a lack of pleasure from it, and this is mostly the cause of infidelity among married people. Like a man responded to one of my past write-ups in this column, a lot of men in the middle-age bracket are fast losing their wives to other men who have learnt and internalised the skills needed to give a woman sexual pleasure. Of course, this is also the reason why some men engage in extramarital.

The reason for the lack of knowledge of sexual skills among couples is that these skills are not inborn, but have to be acquired. No individual is born with it. Rather, they have to be acquired through the process of learning and from the experience gathered by couples in the very act of sexual intercourse. Of course, it is not easy to acquire these skills, just like learning other trades or studying to be an expert in any field of human endeavour is not easy. It requires commitment, patience, understanding, time, money, and energy. This is why people find it difficult to acquire these skills.

To some men, it is simply unnecessary and unimaginable to start learning the skills needed for maximum sexual pleasure. They believe they are naturally endowed to give pleasure to women since they derive pleasure from the act. Thus, they don’t get started at all, not to talk about improving their skills. Whatever they have been able to pick up in the process of sexual intercourse experience or hearsay from friends and in public gatherings are the bedrock of their s3x life. No wonder they keep wondering why there are many problems bedeviling them as married people. Without s3xual satisfaction, the marriage will suffer more from other challenges of life the couple will face.

Another thing we have to face in this part of the world is the fact that parents, religious organisations, to mention a few, don’t have any formal method of educating their young ones about the act of s3x. It has been rightly pointed out by many respondents of this column and at other forums of marital interaction, that hardly any father or mother sits with their offspring to teach them the skills for sexual satisfaction. Rather, they believe that when they get to the bridge, they will cross it. They expected them to learn the act of s3x when they got married, after all, no parent taught them whatever they now know. And the truth is, not many of our parents know what to teach us. To many of them, sex is as much a riddle to them as it is to us. They have as many unanswered questions as we have about it, and just as they are still able to get along somehow, they believe we will also get along despite whatever dissatisfaction we face.

When I got married, my husband and I didn’t know any skills at all. All that we knew was just to lie on top of each other, and then do whatever ought to be done. To me in particular, s3x was something every married couple must engage in, whether they want it or not. The truth is, I wasn’t even told that I was meant to enjoy it anyway. So, I made myself available for it, as much as possible, to fulfil my marital responsibility. And when I can, I put up excuses to evade it. But we then discovered that there is more to this thing called s3x than we knew. We discovered it was an act that must be learnt and mastered if s3x is to be what the creator intended.

Skills must be acquired for sex to give maximum satisfaction. Children were coming through whatever we were having as s3x and the joy of having these children filled in the gap for sexual pleasure. But, it could only last for a while, after which, we became dissatisfied.

At this juncture, I must say that there is more to having s3x with your spouse than having children. To the glory of God, I had my last baby over twenty-five years ago, and today, my two children are out of our home, most of the time in school, leaving the two of us at home “alone”. So, if s3x is for pro-creation, I wonder what the two of us will be doing now. And, if s3x is still to me that thing that must be endured, I will by now be facing a lot of frustration.

Skills for sexual pleasure or satisfaction include some of the following:

*Understanding what are the most important sex organs of a man and a woman. For a woman, it is the mind, while for the man it is the penis. These two must be worked upon and maintained if they will produce maximum satisfaction for the couple.

Every man must know what gives his woman maximum sexual pleasure. It is not enough to rise and sink inside her; you must know the way to strike for the best effect. This comes from reading generally about the females sexual body composition and personally studying how your wife responds to each of the several things you do to her during s3x. This must not be left to the men alone, women also must do the same. Body exploration for males and females must be learnt if the necessary satisfaction will be derived.

*Get to try out different sex positions with your spouse to find out which one(s) will give maximum sexual satisfaction to both of you.

*Add romance to your day-to-day activity. Many men only remember they have a wife when they want s3x. Romance must be part and parcel of your marriage.

Do things you used to do before you got married. Say nice things to each other, tickle each other, play with each other, go for a walk together from time to time, send love messages to each other, buy gifts for each other (not necessarily expensive things), etc.

These are some of the things to acquire if sexual pleasure will be within your reach as a married couple to provoke you to have it regularly as a means of promoting healthy living for longevity.

My books ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy Sex’ are still on sale. You can contact 08112658560 for more details. SMS only.

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