By Bosede Ola-Samuel
One conversation that is not prominent in marriage centres around sex. Many married couples don’t discuss about s3x. It’s like a taboo to many, while others see it as an adulterous engagement in marriage. In fact, to talk about s3x in marriage opens one up as an infidelity suspect. That is, your spouse may start suspecting you for having extra-marital affairs. Thus, most married couples maintain closed lips on sexual communication. The result of this is irregular s3x due to lack of s3xual satisfaction. The danger of lack of, or poor s3xual communication in marriage, includes the following:
No feedback on the act of s3x. You just do it and move on till another time for it.
No room for improvement since there is no appraisal of the act. You can’t get better because you don’t know there is a better approach to it.
It will happen with the wrong person. Once you don’t discuss it between yourselves, you will be drawn into it one way or the other through your circle of relationships. This is due to the fact that it’s a communication that is very vital in marriage. Discussing it with the others gives room for an engagement with a wrong person, the outcome of which may be unhealthy for one’s marriage. It’s like the conversation between Eve and the devil ─ it blows no good wind at all. So, let us engage ourselves in sexual communication to avoid getting involved with the wrong person to discuss it with. Communication about s3x should be given top priority by couples. Not only should it happen, it must be effective, such that the information is delivered and received by each party. Otherwise, it becomes poor communication. So, each couple must ensure that the information on sex is well explained and received with perfect understanding between them.
Such communication on s3x should cover the following details:
Sexual desire
Sexual desire must be communicated. You must communicate your desire to have s3xual engagement with your spouse. In most cases, this communication has been left to the husbands. That is, such communication should be initiated by the husbands. This is what tradition has fostered on us. So, it becomes something out of the blue for a wife to communicate her desire to have s3x to her husband. This is not the ideal situation. Both marriage partners should be free to express the desire to have s3x.
Though it’s changing nowadays, it’s yet to reach an appreciable level. A good number of wives still wait for their husbands to initiate s3x, just as we stated in our last write-up. Not only should sexual desire be communicated, it must be properly communicated.
This is the foundation for s3xual engagement. It’s due to the difference between a male and a female concerning s3xual response. A man’s response is quick and immediate, while that of a woman is slow and non-spontaneous. So, there is the need to put the wife in the mood for s3x well ahead of the time for the act. This must be well understood by couples and building their sex act around gives mutual fulfilment to the partners.
READ ALSO: Wives still struggle with making sexual advances in marriage
S3x channels
There are spots on the body that make a man or a woman turn jelly for sex. It may be the inner thighs, buttocks, earlobe, breasts, male and female sex organs, etc. Anyone who will enjoy regular s3x must master such spots on the body of his or her spouse, especially the wife. That’s why wives are often called pretenders when it comes to the matter of s3x. Once you press her turn-on button, she will cringe for you in bed, making you wonder where “I’m tired” had disappeared. You must communicate how you want to be touched in your body for maximum s3xual experience.
Appearance in bed or around the house
There is nothing that motivates couples for regular sex like being vulnerably naked with one another. You should be deliberate about being naked around your spouse in the privacy of your house. Sleep naked together, walk around naked in your room, going to the bathroom or toilet. You can’t be flaunting your endowed body parts and not get s3xually intimate with yourselves.
That’s why you have to be deliberate about it because the ageing process and life challenges could play games on you and you can feel that you are no longer in tune. But that is the lie of your perception. Don’t fall for it. Take good care of your body and showcase it before your spouse. Being naked around your spouse is a great motivation for regular s3x. You should communicate your preference for such a turn-on for s3x to your spouse.
Sex styles or positions
Sex has gone beyond the traditional approach of the ‘husband-on-top’ position. This is the most common type of position couples use for sex. However, more positions produce maximum pleasure in bed. Couples must thus have conversations around the styles that best suit them for mutual s3xual satisfaction.
Locations for sexual engagement
Traditionally, sleeping objects like a mat or a bed used to be the only acceptable place for s3x. However, experience has taught us that s3x can be great fun and exciting if it takes place in other places like on the chair or couch, tabletop, sitting room, kitchen, bathroom, etc. As long as it’s comfortable and safe, without compromising privacy, s3x is okay in any place you mutually agree on.
One thing that drives s3xual fulfilment is adventure. Trying something new s3xually could be great fun for couples. Being conservative could spell doom for, or endanger, a marriage. We have seen cases where infidelity in marriage was due to the search for adventures by partners. We can save our marriage from such irresponsible acts of infidelity by getting adventurous in marriage, especially with s3x.
Turns off
Communication should also involve what turns you off sexually. Dirty appearance, innerwear, unkempt hairstyles, bad odour, etc. can be bad for sexual engagement. You should try to look nice, smell nice, and be clean. Stop carrying dirty inners around and learn to understand that armpit and vagina hairs need to be shaved or trimmed. It’s so annoying that some of us smell badly inside there which comes as a distraction for s3x.
Time to have sex
Sex should not be regimented to night time only or after the day’s work. Sex in the morning can be a great morale booster for the day and great fun. S3x alone in the house or a getaway location could be a great idea for adventures. You should communicate your preferences as you engage in sex talk in your marriage. Don’t be boxed up emotionally due to the fear of being termed promiscuous by your spouse. If you do, it may eventually make you end up being promiscuous outside your marriage. So, speak out instead of suffering emotional trauma.
There is no end to what you can communicate with your spouse on s3x matters. After all, you own each other’s bodies. So, be ready to talk about how to explore it to the fullest. It’s all for your good.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Please, contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.
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