Yomi Best sat in his sparsely furnished office expecting customers, mostly students, to stroll in for business. He helps students in their JAMB/NECO palaver by putting smiles on their faces through his experience and understanding of WAEC logjam. He handles the sorting out with ease, skill and dexterity gained over 2 decades. Yomi is conservative, calm, laid back, easy-going, Foursquare church member, unsocial, clever, focused, respectful, a bit timid, monogamous, good listener, punctual, God-fearing, a sound political discussant, reserved and family oriented. He had spent lazy hours dozing off in front of his laptop during the famine period when admission into higher institutions had closed.
Kola Iyanda had known Yomi Best for close to 20 years. Yomi’s office was a saviour in those halcyon days when internet connection was a scarce commodity. Yomi’s internet café was the last resort where Kola did most of his documentations and web surfing whenever he was in Nigeria. Iyanda was a loyal customer and through mutual familiarity their friendship blossomed. Yomi Best is a Lagosian from Badagry but had been living in Ibadan for almost 30 years. He is a fixture in Apata area of Ibadan.
There was a recent libido discussion between Kola and Yomi. Kola had been bored to death at home and had gone to Apata to see Yomi in his office. Kola sat on a long bench in Yomi’s office and sighed. He parked his Korope on the street. He called for a bottle of cold water. Yomi fetched him one and a wrap of boli and epa, his favourite snack in Naija. As he snacked on the boli and epa, he kept reminding Yomi about his quest for a responsible woman to help relieve him from a potential libido disaster.
“Yomi, I just can’t get any woman with my Korope. I’ve been trying to woo them with it. The more I tried, the more they ignored me. I am fed up. No more true love in Nija o. All is now visible material possession they expect a rich man to have. I don’t think they see a man in Korope as a rich man. They ignored me. They hardly flag me down for a lift. They remove their eyes the moment I want to lock eyes with them. But you kept on saying that I may get the lucky ones who will not be attracted to fine cars. Where are these kinds of ladies?”
“Hmmm, Oga Kolington, I still insist that you keep trying. Honestly, there may be one or two or even three out there who may want to have a go and jump into your Korope. I want you to get a true love not any material minded woman who will be there for your money. I know you have a better and prestigious car than the Korope but what is the point if a lady falls for your car and not you? I know it’s very challenging and upsetting that a woman will measure your worth by the car you drive and so on. Keep trying,” Yomi Best said.
Kola Iyanda sat silent for minutes. He chewed on his boli and epa hungrily. He seemed to be weighing the romantic idealism of Yomi and its futility in a money minded society like Nigeria. He reasoned that Yomi must be living in a prehistoric time capsule when Nigerian women were contented, unmaterialistic, accepting, idealistic and rustic in matters of the heart and less avaricious for money. Kola knew that his friend is conservative and will always go for an idealistic and natural love not predicated on material possession. He wanted to convince his friend that society has changed but Yomi remained stubbornly adamant.
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“Yomi, o mo nkan. Did you know that I was in the Bunny Lounge along the Ring Road last week? I was there with Kunle, the guy with the goatee beard. I brought him here before. Guess what? As we were leaving the club these two pretty ladies asked me for a lift to Ososami. I obliged. Though I was jittery. Kunle too came with his Prado and parked beside me. As soon as I approached my car, those ladies froze. Probably they thought that the car did not match my status. Anyway, they left my side and went for Kunle’s Prado jeep,” Kola said, watching the reaction of Yomi Best.
“Kolington, that’s what I keep saying to you. At your age, you don’t need suckers like that. You need a real woman who will love you for who you are regardless of your ride whether ordinary or grand. Those who are assessing you based on your ride are gold diggers and good time babes looking for rich dudes in big, big cars. I want you to get a lucky woman that will later be surprised when she realizes that you have better cars than your Korope. And that is the true love I want for you at your age, not the gold and diamond diggers. You have to be patient and bear all the insults from these yeye yahoo-loving babes around town,” Yomi explained.
The church was packed on this particular Father’s Day special service. Yomi had invited Kola to come psyche up a lady in his church. She is a widow and has 3 children. Yomi hated the idea of a matchmaker but could readily facilitate a first meeting. Kolington wore a well starched white guinea buba and sokoto and a handsome ofi cap. Yomi pointed out the lady before the service and Kolington signaled interest. The lady was plump, rosy cheeked, had full blown ikebe and two dangling large breasts. She was of average height and fair skinned.
“Good afternoon Ronke, how was the service? I could see that you are a worshipper with the way you danced like David during the praise and worship,” Kola teased. Ronke blushed and covered her mouth with both hands. “Ha, good afternoon sir. Uncle Yomi said, “Do you want to see me?” Ronke said, looking at Kola’s smart dress. In twenty minutes, Kola won Ronke over with humour, his debonair, charm and the hope of a new relationship three years after her husband’s death.
“Nibo le park si sir? Is your car in the car park or along the street?” Ronke asked. “At the car park,” Kola said, consumed with mortal fear. “Ok sir, I’m waiting for my friend. I will definitely call you in the week sir. It’s nice talking with you. Have a blessed Sunday,” Ronke said, as she disappeared from sight.
Yomi Best watched the whole drama as it unfolded. He was rooting for a score for his friend. The laughter on Kola’s face meant that the battle for real love had now been won.
“Ore, bawo lo se lo?” Yomi said laughing. Kola burst into laughter too and held Yomi’s hand as they strolled to the car park. “Omo yen wapa o. I like her. She is soft, shy and sexy. I just want her to see me in the Korope to confirm that she’s for real o and not my dress that did it for me. Abi ki lo feel,” Kola said, looking curious.
“Haba, o ma ri wa now. I just saw her and her friend having a chat in the corner out there,” Yomi said calmly. “Nibo lowa.” “Shebi you don collect her number. Why you dey shake like this. I beg enter Korope make we go jare,”Yomi said, encouraging his friend to have faith. Along the way as they were leaving the car park, Ronke and her friend appeared from nowhere. Ronke and her friend saw Yomi and Kola in the Korope. She waved at them and they exchanged pleasantries with her.
“Oh God, what’s going to happen now seeing me driving Korope. Oh, I don’t want to lose this girl. Yomi, you know that I did not agree with your idealized version of getting true love in this Korope. Naija women are too money minded. They will never think that a man in Korope has money. You should know now. You no wan me to have woman abi? They will all be thinking that I belong to division 3 men without money or class,” Kola said, looking worried.
“Calm down jo. We shall see. That Ronke is different, based on what I know about her in this church sha. She won’t disappoint you. She go call you or she go pick your call when you call am,” Yomi said, allaying Kola’s fear. “Ok o.”
Kola’s fear was confirmed. For four days, Ronke ignored his call. Report got to Yomi about the frosty phone call. He called Ronke to make inquiries.
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“Hello daddy, how are you sir.” “I’m fine. Oto ojo meta. Awon omo mi nko. Hope all is well,” Yomi said, eager to know what was going on between Kola and Ronke.
“Enheeen, daddy mo ti e fe bere lowo yin. Se moto ore yin niyen?”, Ronke queried. Yomi was quiet for some minutes unable to know how to answer that question. His idealism for true love prevented him from letting Ronke know that the Korope was the least of his cars. That he had other prestigious cars at home.
“Ronke, ki lo se moto yen. Is it not a car? Why did you ask that question. O funny gan o!”, Yomi said, unable to hide his irritation. “Ha, ema binu sir. I just asked.” Ronke hid her opinion from Yomi. After a long awkward silence on the phone, Ronke ended the call.
Kola called Yomi to let him know that he has been making repeat calls as suggested, but no response. He wanted to know what was happening and what transpired between Yomi and Ronke at their last chat.
“Come and see me at the office. Oro wa jare…,” Yomi said, as he watched Arsenal his team on the telly.
To be continued….
