WE have emphasised through this column the importance of communication in relationships, especially in marriage. Communication therefore can be described as the engine room of every relationship, because if it fails, the relationship becomes endangered. It will signal the end of such a relationship.
In marriage, couples must learn to communicate with one another. Unfortunately, in this part of the world, we have not cultivated the act of effective communication. Thus, we make a mess of many relationships. The implication is that many relationships don’t deliver their best to the people involved. At best, what we get is fragile peaceful coexistence in which we just barely get along with one another in many relationships.
Narrowing this down to marriage, the experience is the same, and poses a great danger to society, since the building of the society begins with the marriage institution ─ raising people for the society.
In marriage, one of the things that communication should centre on is sex. Sex is one pillar in a marriage that must not be taken for granted. Otherwise, the marriage will crumble. Once s3xual fulfilment is not achieved in a marriage, it becomes endangered through infidelity, emotional torture or outright breakdown. Recently, I read on social media about the dissolution of a marriage due to lack of s3xual fulfilment of the wife.
Communication about sex should be given top priority by couples. Not only should it happen, it must be effective, such that the information is delivered and received by each party. Otherwise, it becomes poor communication. So, each couple must ensure that the information on s3x is well explained and received with perfect understanding between them.
READ ALSO: Motivating your spouse for regular sex
Interestingly, I have been mostly engaged by many readers of this column this week on the issue of s3x, especially irregular s3x. This is why I decided to go through this route for our engagement in the column. I hope this will be of help to our many interesting and curious readers.
What sex communication should centre on
Sexual desire must be communicated. You must communicate your desire to have sexual engagement with your spouse. In most cases, this communication has been left to the husbands. That is, such communication should be initiated by the husbands. This is what tradition has fostered in us. So, it becomes something out of the blue for a wife to communicate her desire to have s3x to her husband. This is not the ideal situation. Both marriage partners should be free to express the desire to have s3x.
Though it is changing nowadays, it is yet to reach an appreciable level. A good number of wives still wait for their husbands to initiate s3x. Not only should sexual desire be communicated, it must be properly communicated.
The husband should not just suddenly grab the wife for s3x. A wife said all that her husband used to do whenever he wanted s3x was to summon her to the bed and climb her without foreplay. This is a bad way to communicate sexual desire. The process should be a gradual build-up to prepare the ground for mutual s3xual fulfilment.
Foreplay.
This is the foundation for s3xual engagement. It’s due to the difference between a male and female concerning s3xual response. A man’s response is quick and immediate, while that of a female is slow and non-spontaneous. So, there is the need to put the wife in the mood for s3x well ahead of the time for the act. This must be well understood by couples and building their s3x act around gives mutual fulfilment to the partners.
Sex channels
There are spots on the body that make a man or woman turn jelly for s3x. It may be the inner thighs, buttocks, earlobe, breasts, male and female s3x organs, etc.
READ ALSO: Overcoming marital boredom, by Bosede Ola-Samuel
Anyone who will enjoy regular s3x must master such spots on the body of his or her spouse, especially the wife. That’s why wives are often called pretenders when it comes to the matter of s3x. Once you press her turn-on button, she will cringe for you in bed, making you wonder where “I’m tired” had disappeared. You must communicate how you want to be touched in your body for maximum sexual experience. This gets the job done easily.
Appearance in bed or around the house.
There is nothing that motivates couples for regular sex like being vulnerably naked with one another. You should be deliberate about being naked around your spouse in the privacy of your house. Sleep naked together, walk around naked in your room, going to the bathroom or toilet. You cannot be flaunting your endowed body parts and not get s3xually intimate with yourselves. That’s why you have to be deliberate about it because the ageing process and life challenges could play games on you and you can feel that you are no longer in tune. But that is the lie of your perception. Don’t fall for it.
Take good care of your body and showcase it before your spouse. Being naked around your spouse is a great motivation for regular s3x. You should communicate your preference for such a turn-on for s3x to your spouse.
Sex styles or positions
S3x has gone beyond the traditional approach of ‘husband on top’. This is the most common type of position couples use for s3x. However, more positions produce maximum pleasure in bed. Couples must thus have conversations around the styles that best suit them for mutual s3xual satisfaction.
Locations for sexual engagement
Traditionally, sleeping objects like a mat or a bed used to be the only acceptable place for sex. However, experience has taught us that sex can be great fun and exciting if it takes place in other places like on the chair or couch, tabletop, sitting room, kitchen, bathroom, etc. As long as it’s comfortable and safe, without compromising privacy, sex is okay in any place you mutually agree on.
One thing that drives sexual fulfilment is adventure. Trying something new sexually could be great fun for couples. Being conservative could spell doom for, or endanger, a marriage. We have seen cases where infidelity in marriage was due to the search for adventures by partners. We can save our marriage from such irresponsible acts of infidelity by getting adventurous in the marriage, especially with sex.
Turns off
Communication should also involve what turns you off sexually. Dirty appearance, innerwear, unkempt hairstyles, bad odour, etc. can be bad for sexual engagement. You should try to look nice, smell nice, and be clean. Stop carrying dirty inners around and learn to understand that armpit and vagina hairs need to be shaved or trimmed. It’s so annoying that some of us smell badly inside there which comes as a distraction for s3x.
Time to have sex
Sex should not be regimented to night time only or after the day’s work. Sex in the morning can be a great morale booster for the day and great fun. S3x alone in the house or a get-away location could be a great idea for adventures. You should communicate your preferences as you engage in s3x talk in your marriage.
Don’t be boxed up emotionally due to the fear of being termed promiscuous by your spouse. If you do, it may eventually make you end up being promiscuous outside your marriage. So, speak out instead of suffering emotional trauma.
READ ALSO:
- Pentecostals call for 40 days National Prayer: Another Jamboree
- AFCON 2025Q: Osimhen becomes Super Eagles’ second joint-top scorer
- Naira depreciates by 0.2% against dollar at official market
- Keyamo commends book on Nigeria Airways, aviation development
- FG committed to achieving 24 hours power supply—minister
There’s no end to what you can communicate with your spouse on sex matters. After all, you own each other’s body. So, be ready to talk about how to explore it to the fullest. It’s all for your good.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great Sex Life’ and ‘How to Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x. Please contact 08112658560 for details.
