Never be too busy for your spouse, by Bosede Ola-Samuel

One issue at the heart of marriage is companionship. It’s one strong and major reason for contracting marriage. It comes first in the three major purposes of contracting marriage as being canvased during marriage ceremonies at the court, church or mosque. Neglecting it, companionship, is to court trouble and be fed with poison from outsiders who keep your spouse company or offer him or her companionship.

If in doubt or you think I am joking, ask Adam. A momentary switch of attention away from Eve, made him eat the poison of the ‘forbidden fruit’.

Companionship can be compromised when one thinks that there is no other person offering companionship to your spouse. You feel secure that no one will be there for companionship for him or her. After all, it’s a world for the two of you alone. I guess Adam felt like that too. Only the two of them were in the garden. But, he didn’t realise that there was also a serpent seeking whom to devour. And he became a victim of that companionship neglect. We must avoid such a disaster in our marriage. It’s a cost too high to be paid.

Years back, I read a small caption on a friend’s wall that goes like this, “One thing I don’t have to worry about here is competition. No one will want my kind of job.” If you think like that in your marriage, then you are a high insurance risk. The truth is that you have a competitor for your spouse’s companionship.

There is no room for a vacuum in marital companionship. It’s a world for two alone. That’s why even in polygamy, each wife has her time with the husband. It’s just to ensure that companionship is not relegated to the background. It’s a cry within the heart. Polyandry ─ one wife, multiple husbands ─ where it is practised and embraced, also ensures that companionship is taken care of. That’s to let you realise how important companionship is in all relationships, especially marriage.

What is companionship?

Companionship means the state of having someone to share experiences, thoughts, and feelings to provide mutual support, comfort, and social interaction. It can be called a support mechanism for living life to the fullest by having someone to lean on for strength, accountability, and direction.

Importance of companionship in marriage

It’s a popular saying that “Three is a crowd, two is a company.” This is no less a fact in marriage. Companionship offers a spouse the comfort of a shoulder to lean or cry on in the midst of turbulence.

Just yesterday, a friend informed me that a husband called his wife to report that his doctor banned him from eating so many favourite food items, wondering how he would survive this disaster. The response of the wife underscores the subject of companionship in marriage. According to my friend, the wife responded, “How is that my business?”. I was shocked by this remark. It was a display of ignorance of the importance of companionship in marriage. Like I said to my friend, the wife missed the point of the cry in the heart of her husband for companionship at that moment.

Companionship offers hope in the place of despair; joy in the time of sadness; victory in the time of defeat. Without companionship, marriage becomes a mirage, an endangered relationship.

Companionship offers friendship. I always counsel that those going into marriage must be first and foremost, friends. It’s in order if you put friendship first in the choice of a marriage partner if he or she will be your life partner. So, “marry your friend”, is a slogan I cherish so much. No one should sacrifice friendship on the altar of marriage. It’s too costly to do so. Many marriages suffering turbulence today are as a result of two strange fellows in marriage.

Companionship puts you in attention mode. It’s often said that whoever gives you attention will give you direction in life. That’s why the first thing a tempter does is to get your attention, and then take your attention away from your spouse. He or she ensures that you become alienated from your spouse. So, be intentional about giving increasing attention to your spouse.

Companionship is a communication made easy. A marriage becomes endangered when communication is non-existent. That’s why to communicate effectively with your spouse, you have to embrace companionship. There is nothing like taking the issue of companionship too far in marriage. It’s simply the life of the marriage. When the ship of marriage starts drifting away from the harbour, it’s simply because companionship is no longer on the priority list of the couple.

Infidelity thrives when companionship is lost in marriage. It makes infidelity easy. Many wives and husbands today are messing around with people other than their spouses because they lack companionship. That’s the reason gatemen, house helpers, drivers, bodyguards, secretaries, and personal assistants have become infidelity partners to many married people. Their husbands and wives are just too busy to keep them company. Rather, they leave them in the company of these domestic and office staff, while pursuing money, fame and honour. Thus, making them develop companionship with such staff.

The biblical Portiphar’s wife’s attraction towards Joseph could be a companionship deficiency issue in the marriage. Potiphar left Joseph in charge of ‘everything’ in his house.

Companionship titbits

Be intentional about your marital companionship. See it as a topmost priority.
Be sensitive to any drift away from that companionship. Don’t allow it to slip by without addressing it.
Don’t take it for granted. Never for once think a drift away from it is not a problem, but a momentary switch.
Fight for companionship in your marriage. Ensure that nothing tampers with it. Protect it and guard it jealously. It’s what you leave carelessly that a goat feasts on at will.
”Give me space. You are suffocating me. Let me breathe” and such remarks from your spouse should not be lightly treated. It could be a pointer to an endangered companionship.
Long-time separation should be discouraged, and where it’s impossible, constant visits from both ends, phone calls, video calls, and chats should be exploited for companionship in such a difficult situation.
Keep feeding your friendship in the marriage. He who is a friend must be friendly. That is, you must show yourself friendly at all times.
Communicate openly and honestly your dreams, goals, hurts, inner struggles, and joy.
Be active in listening to each other in discussions and chats.
Work together on your individual visions and aspirations.

Life becomes easier to navigate when companionship is in place through relationships, especially that of marriage.

You can avail yourself of copies of my books: ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.

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