Long years in marriage are no longer an antidote against divorce, separation, or disharmony in marriage. Gone are the days when how old a marriage is determines the success of the marriage. That is, being married for twenty, thirty, or forty years is no longer an insurance against the dissolution of, or separation in, the marriage. I have seen marriages of thirty years, forty years, or even fifty years, break. The statement that the wine gets better with age is no longer applicable to marriage. These days, it is like couples wait to get old in marriage before striking one another with divorce or separation. This calls for concern among the unrepentant advocates of the marriage institution being forever. Hence, the reason for focusing on this unfortunate situation in our society.
The most recent of such an occurrence is that of the female money magnate in South-west Nigeria, Funso Alakija. This woman and her husband, a very successful architect, have been fingered in the divorce saga after a marital relationship spanning over four decades, each of them crossing into the octogenarian status.
Their case has also lent credence to the fact of the weakness of both age and social status in sustaining a marriage for life. The two are well stricken in age, financially and professionally successful, and the wife especially is an acclaimed minister of the gospel. Yet, their marriage has fallen like a pack of cards. Though not officially divorced, living separately − after many years of living together under the same roof − portends an ill wind for the marriage. Things have fallen apart, and the centre can no longer hold. The song in that marriage is “To your tent oh ye Israel.” What a terrible development.
This situation of the married duo has also proven the saying that “All that glitters is not gold” to be true. Over the years, the public presentation of the Alakija’s marriage had been that of a home built upon the rock. The minister of the gospel woman had always sung the praises of her husband at every given opportunity. But, today, all that has turned out to be a fallacy or ‘packaging’. The truth is that the marriage had been in limbo over the years.
Why do decades-old marriages break? What can be done to avert it?
Let us face the following facts about marriage.
*Marriage ceremony is not a guarantee against breakdown.
*Ownership mentality will not sustain a marriage forever.
*Wedding certificate is a temporary license to live together. The marital oath is revocable.
*Unreasonable emotional dive into marriage will not sustain a marriage forever. If love is blind and drives you into marriage, your eyes will be open in the marriage.
*All traditional values and modern laws of marriage make allowance for marital breakdown. Once married, the forever married of yester years no longer holds in today’s world.
*Religious beliefs are no longer strong enough to forbid marital breakdown.
*In marriage, everyone — including the rich — is susceptible to cry. That is, the rich also cry. Whether rich or poor, the marriage may break. There is no marriage that cannot suffer a breakdown.
Marriage breaks because of the unrepentant unreasonable behaviour of one or both marriage partners. This is why marriages, especially the decades-old ones, break down. When a partner refuses to change his or her ways over the years, a time comes when he or she can no longer be tolerated. So, he or she is kicked out of the marriage. There is a limit to human endeavour — even a stone wears out with constant droppings. When people refuse to deal with anger, infidelity, dishonesty, and other abusive acts in the marriage, it is a matter of time, before the marriage will break down.
It is a matter of time, depends on the following:
*The endurance level of the partners. This varies with individuals. That is why some marriages break down at one month, six months, one year, five years, ten years, thirty years, or forty years of age. When the endurance level wanes, the marriage breaks.
*The revenge plan of a partner, especially women. Some married men have been slated for judgment in old age when they can no longer fight back. So, the woman waits till such a time to take her pound of flesh from the husband. She starts with roaming the children’s houses in turns, playing Grandma’s roles. Then, they gradually move into the divorce/separation mode, as payback dues for the husbands.
*Economic power. Some wait till they can stand on their own for economic survival. Whenever it happens, then it is time for divorce or separation. I have witnessed that over and over.
That is why you should not take your spouse for granted. He or she knows what is keeping him or her in the marriage if you remain unreasonable. With time, you will be kicked out once he or she can handle what is keeping him or her in the marriage.
So, let us stay sane and reasonable in our relationships, especially marriage. You are not irreplaceable.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books: ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.
