The most important human relationship on earth is marriage. It was the first to be established by God, going by the biblical submission, and I have not found anything contrary to this position. Marriage is the bedrock of all other relationships ─ from it flows other relationships. So, it was meant to be highly esteemed and revered by all. It is a mystery how two persons come together to become married and be called husband and wife. This is why I agree with the popular saying that no matter how a relationship ends, the beginning is always a story of sweet love.
This is the premise for this write-up, strangers in marriage. It is a story of how husband and wife grow apart. That is, how covenant friends become covenant enemies. Yes, it is happening, and at an alarming rate. There is nothing like once in love, always in love ─ just like there is nothing like once saved, always saved.
Everyone will work out his or her salvation with fear and trembling. Likewise, marital love must be worked out painstakingly, if it will be sustained. If this is not done, then strangers in marriage will happen to such a couple.
I have heard and witnessed such in marriage. It is not a myth or fallacy. It is for real.
Who is a stranger?
A stranger is someone unknown or unfamiliar to another person. Strangers are persons with whom we have no prior relationship, connection, or shared experience. They are people we don’t know personally ─ and, often, we may not even know their names.
So, you can imagine what having a stranger as your marriage partner entails. It’s going to be a house of commotion. That is exactly what many marriages are today. The couples have grown to become strangers, and hence, the home is on fire. When this happens, communication becomes monosyllables, s3x ends up as herculean task, the relationship becomes an eggshell-walking scenario, and peace becomes fragile. You never can tell what will happen next between the two strangers living together in the marriage. This is why we must avoid ending up as strangers in a marriage.
A cross-purpose marriage.
The two have different agendas and, thus will continue to grow apart. They are like two parallel lines that will never meet. Though they took off at the same point, wedding ceremony, each is pursuing a different agenda. As such, they will end up as strangers.
For example, a lady got married to a popular musician many years ago. After a few years, the husband got converted and became a pastor. The wife told him she married him for the sake of his music, and since he was no longer into music like before, she could not cope with him again.
They kept growing apart until they became strangers, which eventually led them to go their separate ways.
READ ALSO: Emotional intelligence and great s3x life, by Bosede Ola-Samuel
Strange bedroom fellows
Their s3x life is at variance. They can start as good s3x partners, but somewhere along the line, their s3x life becomes poor. It could be due to workplace busy schedule, religious practices and engagement of one or both of them, especially with pastors and imams, health challenges, different libido levels, among others.
When this happens, the partners will continue to grow apart due to lack of, or inadequate s3x. S3x is a lubricant that helps relationships to thrive easily. S3x unites two souls. That is why s3x partners become soul mates. When s3x is inadequate or absent, the couple will drift apart and thus become strangers.
Taking each other for granted
I have written about this before on this platform. Many couples throw caution to the wind in their marriage. They no longer care about their feelings, especially when one of them is complaining of neglect or a changed habit or attitude. It is like “We are married now, so there is no longer any need for special caring that characterised the courtship period.” They see no reason to continue to woo each other.
This is tantamount to destroying the fabric of the foundation of the marriage. It means tampering with the life of the marriage. Many forget that they were engaged in during courtship such as hangout, love gifts, loving touches, verbal expression of love, etc. must be sustained in the marriage. Many no longer see the need to continue to make sacrifices for those courtship period behaviour. Such usually come with great sacrifice. Not that many can afford the courtship life outings, gifting, etc. They were just acts meant to impress the man or lady. So, it does not flow easily in marriage. In fact, some believe that once courtship is over, it is time to face the reality in marriage. No wonder things fall apart: raised hope or expectations get dashed in the marriage.
So, a husband or wife keeps wondering “What happened to the courtship days love?”
This is especially common with the ‘church’ people because it is an injunction that divorce is not permitted. Also, extra-marital affairs is preached as a taboo. This has led to the best of Christian couple becoming strangers ─ and, with time, ended up with divorce. This is the reason why even pastors are courting divorce these days.
READ ALSO: Being married should be fun, by Bosede Ola-Samuel
Spiritual manipulation
This is difficult to explain or deal with. You will just discover that the husband and wife no longer see eyeball to eyeball. Better believe it, married couples get programmed for conflicts or separation by behind-the-scene forces. You will just discover that no matter what you do to be your best in the marriage, it is always like pouring water inside a basket or pouring corn at the back of a calabash.
I have been there in my marriage. I can attest to it. So, when it seems that you snap at each other for the slightest reason or provocation, you have got to come together to reason together. Summon yourself to a conference and reset your password for the marriage because you have been programmed for separation, and it is only when you reset your password that you will be able to deprogramme the setting. That is the world in which we have found ourselves.
Just yesterday, I heard of a marriage which has crashed despite the fact that in the beginning, the husband used to lift his wife up the stairs as a token of his love for her. But, suddenly, things changed, they became strangers and, before you could call Jack Robinson, the marriage was over. It is a wicked world, we must do all to navigate it.
- You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How To Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. For details, please contact 08112658560. SMS only. Thanks.
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