Nine times out of 10 my clients come to me because they are angry and hurt at their ex because they feel betrayed by him or because in their mind he has done something wrong.
Whatever the situation is, it’s really important to let go of the bitterness, as the only person it really hurts is you. Below is a list of reasons why it is indeed bad to be bitter and why it’s important to let go.
1) Stops you from loving you
When we feel that someone has betrayed us there is a belief that states that “I would never have done that” or “I am not like that.” In truth we are everything and your ex is just a mirror of you. What you judge in him will usually be an indication that you judge that very thing within yourself and believe you are not.
Being this way will only keep your love of yourself at arms length and will stop you from making peace with yourself. This of course will give him the power and destroy your confidence. Why would you want to do that to yourself?
Instead, when you go into the habit of blaming him – change the statements that start with ‘he is so’ or ‘you are’ to ‘we are’ and see if you can find at least five examples where you are that way and find the benefits for each one.
2) Will lead to a toxic body
Holding onto any negative emotions takes more energy than letting them go. People who hold onto anger will usually find that they have less energy than those who don’t because negative emotions tend to have a more dense frequency.
Imagine for a moment that each factor that is causing you the bitterness is a big rock. Do you think you might feel weighed down if you keep on piling on the rocks? Of course you will.
Carrying these emotions on an ongoing basis will weaken and build up toxins in your body as it releases adrenalin – which suppresses the immune system, impairs digestion, uses up vital vitamins and minerals, causes pain and stiffness, makes your body acidic which results in inflammation all of which will help towards keeping you feeling worse.
Instead, find a way to purge your emotions by hitting a pillow, going outside and screaming your lungs out.
3) Will prolong your suffering
If you are still living in the past and focusing on what your ex has done to you, you wont be living in the present, which will guarantee depression and sadness. Living in the present is where you will experience happiness, as it is here that the suffering stops.
Suffering is only caused by your mind attaching itself to the story that you have created for yourself. If you keep holding onto the bitterness, the story will ensue and so will your obsessing. An event is just an event until you give meaning and energy to it.
Instead, change your story and the meaning you have given to the event. Give it a positive meaning so that you can shorten your suffering.
4) Will be more difficult to attract a new relationship into your life
If you are still holding onto the bitterness of the past you will either carry this bitterness will make it more difficult to attract a new relationship because the bitterness and attachment to your ex tends to the block the energy of receiving someone new into your life.
Holding onto the past, is like buying new clothes and not being able to fit them in your closet because all your old clothes take up all the room. The only way of to fit the new clothes in the wardrobe is to clear out the old. The same is true for letting in a new relationship.
Instead let go and make way for the new.
5) Increase the chances of ruining the next relationship
Without healing the wounds or dealing with the anger of the past, you will be more likely to take the anger and bitterness into the next relationship, if you do manage to attract a new one to you.
Again, being present in the relationship you find yourself in, will be challenging as you will want to vent to your partner, and living like this can be very tiring for them. Speaking from experience, I believe that the stress of an ex who was still bitter towards his ex, was one of the major reasons why our relationship died.
It will also make it more challenging to receive the love from your new partner, because you are still protecting yourself from the past. This once again, can be very tiring not only for your new partner but also for you.
In short it’s important to let go of the bitterness if you wish to find peace instead.
HUFFPOST LIFESTYLE
