One of the things I find most wondrous about God is the way He distributes children. Oh yes, I’m a Christian and I strongly believe that God is the ‘giver’ of children. I do not believe that even IVF can work without God’s say-so.
Ask the gynecologists, they will tell you. Even they cannot explain why some couples have to try IVF five times while others are successful at the first attempt. Let’s even assume that you are a scientist and you have answers to the IVF question, can you explain why a woman living in the slum can naturally conceive triplets and deliver via the vagina, while the one living in the lap of luxury with all the necessary medical fixtures and fittings can’t successfully deliver a healthy baby even through a Caesarean Section?
A virgin keeps her body chaste, the marriage bed undefiled and yet, doesn’t get pregnant after 10 years of marriage. But a runs-girl who’s had three abortions has a baby within one year of marriage. The doctor gives a woman a clean bill of health and okays her husband’s sperms, yet five years of consistent hard labour in the bedroom and there’s still no patter of little feet in their home. Did I hear someone muttering Juju and witchcraft? Should we go there? Because I don’t know how an Australian or American will be able to relate to how witches eat up a foetus in Africa. But our belief is our belief. And it ain’t going away because Oyinbo people don’t share our thoughts and logic on the topic.
However, the questions running around in my head were actually started by a younger friend who just discovered she’s pregnant, shockingly, disturbingly and needed counsel to even accept it.
Bose had lost out in two marriages by age 39 because she couldn’t conceive. Her two husbands have also moved on, or so we all thought. Now at 43, she’s pregnant and didn’t know a baby was growing inside her until she went to the hospital to ‘treat this malaria that wouldn’t go’. Do you get my drift? She was married to her first husband for 11 years and never conceived once and now, wait for it, an accidental Okafor’s Law night and she’s now 16 weeks pregnant.
Bose and Ayo, her first husband, met at an industry event in Abuja, found out they were staying in the same hotel. He invited her to share his early morning tea ritual like they used to. One cup of tea led to many things, and Okafor’s Law took over. According to Okafor’s Law, once a man has had a woman, he can have her again. It is not a law that I like but it is what it is. Ayo had Bose. Bose had Ayo. Bose is pregnant. Whatever prevented the two of them from making babies in 11 years, somehow could not stop them that wet morning.
Bose had given up on conceiving naturally. She had started an adoption process. She is a busy, very busy woman. Which explains why she explains her constant persistent feverish feelings away with stress and malaria. Should she have let her heart and body yield to the touch of Ayo’s body and his Okafor finger? How would she have known she was still fertile or even ovulating at that particular period? Maybe this was her only chance of becoming a mother. Maybe she had been ovulating actually regularly but because she was no longer paying attention, years or months of opportunities had passed her by? Or was it only Ayo’s swimming soldiers that could find her uterus?
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Unexpected pregnancies, they leave you at the corridor of you-go-explain-tire. They leave the pregnant woman or couple puzzled, confused, asking themselves questions only God has answers to. For instance, how does Bose convince Ayo’s wife that she did not get pregnant intentionally, to trap Ayo and ruin his marriage? Should she tell Ayo, the accidental father? So she becomes what, a single mother, side chick or second wife?
The only thing an accidental pregnancy like Bose’s has an answer to is yes, she will keep the pregnancy. It’s a much awaited pregnancy, a miracle even if conceived in questionable circumstances. Bose, we have advised to keep the pregnancy, take good care of herself and then let tomorrow take care of itself. Easier said than done? Well, beggars can’t be choosers.
A 51-year-old woman misses her period two months after her newly wedded daughter announces she’s pregnant. How complicated is that? About to become a Grandma and pregnant. Her monthly periods were irregular, very irregular. Her husband and incoming Grandpa is still very active in between the sheets but Mummy and Daddy had their last child 17 years ago and so they thought they were in the clear. Madam was sure that menstruating three or four times in a year meant that she was an old layer whose egg-laying years were behind her. What did they know? God, the giver of children who does not consult gynaecologists just showed up with a surprise package, specifically wrapped for them. It is their year of multiple blessings.
Incoming grandma, according to quick EDD (Expected Delivery Date) calculation, will be due for delivery about the time she is supposed to begin Omugwo.
What to do? She’s at a crossroads, right? If you were offering her a map, what should she do? Go ahead and attend antenatal clinics with her daughter? Or take a long deep breath and have a face-saving abortion, then ask God for mercy later? What will you do if you find yourself on this corridor?
*Egbemode (egbemode3@gmail.com)
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