Enjoying great marriage through emotional intelligence (2)

Today, I am set to conclude the discourse on emotional intelligence and great marriage by considering its benefits on marriage and how to improve intelligence levels.

For the sake of emphasis, let me repeat our definition of emotional intelligence as the ability to manage and understand both your own emotions and those of others around you. That means you can perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with, and relate to, others effectively and constructively.

What are the benefits of emotional intelligence?

• Reduces violence in relationships, including marriage, since it helps us to be more mindful of the feelings of others around us, for example, our spouse, and show empathy by putting ourselves in the shoes of others before reacting to issues.
• Reduces the stress level in relationships by eliminating unnecessary conflicts in relationships − the stress level also becomes minimal.

• Helps to improve relationships. We are better at managing our relationships, thus leading to minimal friction. It helps us to get better in our relationships. Any relationship that does not get better is heading for the rocks.
• Encourages us to take responsibility for our actions, rather than blaming others, for example, your spouse, always. With emotional intelligence, it becomes easier to own our mistakes and accept our wrongs.
• Improves communication skills since we can understand our emotions and those of others in a relationship with us. We communicate from a better and more objective angle, rather than being subjective.

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How to improve emotional intelligence

We had stated that emotional intelligence is not something we are born with. It thus means that we have control over, and can improve on it. The following can help us get better on the scale of emotional intelligence.

• Self-awareness. This plays a vital role in getting better at handling our emotions.
• Empathise with others. This means we must put ourselves in the shoes of others. We should share the feelings of others and not be selfish in our actions. This is having a broad view of issues, instead of being myopic.
• Maintain an open, repentant and constructive disposition towards others in a relationship with you. You are not self-centred in your dealings with others.
• Celebrate your accomplishments always. Do not look down on yourself as a failure, becoming frustrated in the journey of life. See yourself as someone getting better instead of giving up. It is a process and one is not expected to get to the top of the ladder of emotional intelligence in a day. Be happy with where you are, and aspire to get better, instead of becoming stuck.
• Have an open mind for growth and self-development. Someone said he had reached a point of no return in his life. That is, he has become an “impossicant” to change in his behaviour, like a dried fish that cannot be bent. Such a person cannot improve on the emotional intelligence scale. This is a key point in marriage for it to be great. We must be ready to improve our behaviour if we will enjoy a great marriage. Instead of focusing on changing oneself, many of us want others to change to accommodate our behaviour. Any relationship based on that will be an abusive one. We must be open to corrections and make the necessary changes.