11th Dul-Qadar 1434AH (13/09 /2013)
In life there are varied reasons for man doing what he is doing. Man is not in the habit of
just doing anything for the fun of it. He is a creature of need. As an individual, he is an
incomplete entity. If not for anything, loneliness, boredom, unexplained cold or tiredness are
the primary symptom of a lonely adult. In other words, there is need for companionship
which is better achieved in Marriage. Children in marriage happens to be the icing on the
cake, it drives out loneliness from the home, however, there could be marriage without a
What I want to look at today concerns the important issue of Marriage vis-a-vis the
Social issue of Wedding. In Islam both issues are very critical as it lays the premise for the
future endeavor of the relationship and the sanity of the young Family.
The Cham termed “wedding of the century”
It is however saddening that the rate at which marriages are breaking up give cause
for concern. The parents and the young couple are getting mixed-up and are unable to
distinguish between a wedding ceremony and Marriage rites. Kudos however, to those that
still have the consciousness of getting married. The issue now is to stabilize the marriage
institution. If the ceremonial aspect of Wedding is moderated and the duty and responsibility
of Marriage is emphasized, stability in Marriage is assured and welcoming.
The scenario that is playing out in the society now have also happened before Islam
during the Jahiliyyah (ignorant) period.
The stress factor:
A situation where lots of fund is sank into wedding preparations, the colorful material or
costume to be adorned by the Couple, the uniforms of the family and friends from both
sides, the mouths that is on ‘to-be-fed’ list is lengthy, the halls and its decor with one or more
band stand to entertain! The Wedding will be conducted with fun fair and glamour before the
Marriage take-off. The status of the Parents on both decide, the face of the bride and the
pocket of the groom all add up to how ‘grand’ the wedding ceremony will be.
All of these self imposed activities do not guarantee a successful Marriage, rather it
calls undue attention of the ‘world’ to a set of people that needed to take off quietly on the
road to building conjugal bliss.
What often happen is that “Wedding of the century may end up in divorce of the
century;” it collapses like a pack of cards, ever heard of the house built on a shifting sand?
The truth is that the time the couple spent during wedding ceremony is little compare to
the time you will be spending with your spouse in marriage. Alas, many people getting
married start by dancing out of it; before you finish spelling w-e-d-d-d-I-n-g! The marriage
has ended…. May Allah safe us from the evil of our hands. Amin
It important to take a deep breath and ponder on the statement of this respected Scholar,
Dr, Zakr said:
“A Pretty Lady and
A Handsome Man
Will make a Beautiful Weeding
However, It takes a pious Man and
A Faithful Woman
To Make a Marriage” !
In a reported Hadith: “the best wedding ceremony is the cheapest”- Sadaqah Rasul.
Why are you getting married?
The role model appointed for Muslim is the Rasul. The Messenger(s.a.w) has said
“Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever that does not partake in marriage is not of me”.
In effect it means every healthy and sane Muslim should get married. For a Muslim
getting married is more than a social duty, it is a religious responsibility.
Also, the Messenger of Allah(s.w.t) was reported to have said:
“Actions shall be judged according to intention”.
Therefore, in the matter concerning marriage, your success or failure depends on
your intention as your intention will drive your action.
In the matter of procreation, it is better and honorable to happen in matrimony.
“The best of marriage is the one that is preceded by love and blessed with children”- Sadaka
Marriage has to do with piety, decency – decorum, respect, order and responsibility. These
processes distinguishes man from other lower creatures of Allah(s.w.t).
Whom do I marry? Taste differs and choices are available, that is why Allah created
different, shapes, sizes, colour, faith. However, the Messenger s.a.w has recommended for
Muslim to pick the best through Faith.
A fair description of a wife material:
A Bedouin was asked about women, being a man of experience, he said:
“The best woman is the tallest when she stands,
The most prominent when she sits, and
The most truthful when she speaks.
She is the one whose anger subsides quickly, and
Whose laugh is a beautiful smile.
When she does anything, she does it well.
She obeys her husband and adheres to her home.
She is honored among her people,
Yet insignificant in her own mind –
Affectionate and fertile, and
Everything about her is good“!
Remember beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!!!
Fair Description of a Husband Material:
A man said to Hassan bin Ali :
“I have a daughter and
People have proposed her, so
To whom should I Marry her?
His response is:
Marry her to one who fears Allah(s.w.t)
Because, if he loves her,
He will honour her, and
If he happens to hate her
He will not wrong her
When there is mis-understanding: it is part of existence.
Abu Darda r.a said to his wife:
” If you see that I am angry, appease me, and
If I see that you are angry, I will appease you – otherwise
Why should we keep company with one another?”
When this saying reached Imam Zuhri, he said,
“That is how companionship should be”
Make up your mind, are you getting into a marriage for the sake of your Faith, honor
and decency while completing your Faith- Islam; or you are for the glamour of wedding
whose ending is determined by uncertainty. Your role model affects your thinking process.
be a Muslim, adopt The Rasul. That is the “Essence of Life”. The choice is yours.
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