Wedding or Marriage: What Is Your Mission?- By Mallam Musa Da’ud

Alfa Musa


11th Dul-Qadar 1434AH (13/09 /2013)

In life there are varied reasons for man doing what he is doing. Man is not in the habit of

just doing anything for the fun of it. He is a creature of need. As an individual, he is an

incomplete entity. If not for anything, loneliness, boredom, unexplained cold or tiredness are

the primary symptom of a lonely adult. In other words, there is need for companionship

which is better achieved in Marriage. Children in marriage happens to be the icing on the

cake, it drives out loneliness from the home, however, there could be marriage without a


What I want to look at today concerns the important issue of Marriage vis-a-vis the

Social issue of Wedding. In Islam both issues are very critical as it lays the premise for the

future endeavor of the relationship and the sanity of the young Family.

The Cham termed “wedding of the century”

It is however saddening that the rate at which marriages are breaking up give cause

for concern. The parents and the young couple are getting mixed-up and are unable to

distinguish between a wedding ceremony and Marriage rites. Kudos however, to those that

still have the consciousness of getting married. The issue now is to stabilize the marriage

institution. If the ceremonial aspect of Wedding is moderated and the duty and responsibility

of Marriage is emphasized, stability in Marriage is assured and welcoming.

The scenario that is playing out in the society now have also happened before Islam

during the Jahiliyyah (ignorant) period.

The stress factor:

A situation where lots of fund is sank into wedding preparations, the colorful material or

costume to be adorned by the Couple, the uniforms of the family and friends from both

sides, the mouths that is on ‘to-be-fed’ list is lengthy, the halls and its decor with one or more

band stand to entertain! The Wedding will be conducted with fun fair and glamour before the

Marriage take-off. The status of the Parents on both decide, the face of the bride and the

pocket of the groom all add up to how ‘grand’ the wedding ceremony will be.

All of these self imposed activities do not guarantee a successful Marriage, rather it

calls undue attention of the ‘world’ to a set of people that needed to take off quietly on the

road to building conjugal bliss.

What often happen is that “Wedding of the century may end up in divorce of the

century;” it collapses like a pack of cards, ever heard of the house built on a shifting sand?

The truth is that the time the couple spent during wedding ceremony is little compare to

the time you will be spending with your spouse in marriage. Alas, many people getting

married start by dancing out of it; before you finish spelling w-e-d-d-d-I-n-g! The marriage

has ended…. May Allah safe us from the evil of our hands. Amin

It important to take a deep breath and ponder on the statement of this respected Scholar,

Dr, Zakr said:

A Pretty Lady and

A Handsome Man

Will make a Beautiful Weeding

However, It takes a pious Man and

A Faithful Woman

To Make a Marriage” !

In a reported Hadith: “the best wedding ceremony is the cheapest”- Sadaqah Rasul.

Why are you getting married?

The role model appointed for Muslim is the Rasul. The Messenger(s.a.w) has said

“Marriage is my Sunnah, whoever that does not partake in marriage is not of me”.

In effect it means every healthy and sane Muslim should get married. For a Muslim

getting married is more than a social duty, it is a religious responsibility.

Also, the Messenger of Allah(s.w.t) was reported to have said:

“Actions shall be judged according to intention”.

Therefore, in the matter concerning marriage, your success or failure depends on

your intention as your intention will drive your action.

In the matter of procreation, it is better and honorable to happen in matrimony.

“The best of marriage is the one that is preceded by love and blessed with children”- Sadaka


Marriage has to do with piety, decency – decorum, respect, order and responsibility. These

processes distinguishes man from other lower creatures of Allah(s.w.t).

Whom do I marry? Taste differs and choices are available, that is why Allah created

different, shapes, sizes, colour, faith. However, the Messenger s.a.w has recommended for

Muslim to pick the best through Faith.

A fair description of a wife material:

A Bedouin was asked about women, being a man of experience, he said:

“The best woman is the tallest when she stands,

The most prominent when she sits, and

The most truthful when she speaks.

She is the one whose anger subsides quickly, and

Whose laugh is a beautiful smile.

When she does anything, she does it well.

She obeys her husband and adheres to her home.

She is honored among her people,

Yet insignificant in her own mind

Affectionate and fertile, and

Everything about her is good“!

Remember beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!!!

Fair Description of a Husband Material:

A man said to Hassan bin Ali :

“I have a daughter and

People have proposed her, so

To whom should I Marry her?

His response is:

Marry her to one who fears Allah(s.w.t)

Because, if he loves her,

He will honour her, and

If he happens to hate her

He will not wrong her

When there is mis-understanding: it is part of existence.

Abu Darda r.a said to his wife:

” If you see that I am angry, appease me, and

If I see that you are angry, I will appease you – otherwise

Why should we keep company with one another?”

When this saying reached Imam Zuhri, he said,

“That is how companionship should be”

Make up your mind, are you getting into a marriage for the sake of your Faith, honor

and decency while completing your Faith- Islam; or you are for the glamour of wedding

whose ending is determined by uncertainty. Your role model affects your thinking process.

be a Muslim, adopt The Rasul. That is the “Essence of Life”. The choice is yours.

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