In The Name of Allah Most Compassionate Ever Merciful
All praise is for Allah that has made Marriage permissible for His worshipper. Salutations also go to the Messenger (s.a.w) for being a perfect role model for the believers. May the reward for this Salutation be a blessing to the sincere follower of Muhammad (s.a.w). Having said this, we are taking a look into how marriage can be saved In ShaAllah such that those that are planning to be married will not approach it with carelessness or arrogance.
Marital ‘Diplomatic-Bag’ Content is Patient- I have not come across a Lady that is not bright-eyed when the issue of Marriage is mentioned.
In matter of marriage, the Man has a lengthy period to work with, unlike the woman that has a shorter time.
Be that as it may, both men and women should be aware of the fact that marital diplomacy is a sine-qua-non if a marriage is to serve and last you your lifetime.
Now that you are married.
In Islam, you have 50% in your kitty with marriage: The reality is that at the point that the knot is tied, the Man has just taking over another responsibility that not only requires financing, it also requires intelligence, moral guidance and security. It also entails spiritual leadership as he will have to render account on behalf of his family come Judgment Day.
The woman has taken up a duty of Nursing, Teaching, Resource Manager, and Comforter. Your duty also entails “General-Duty” – Maintaining balance between family and friends of your husband.
In all the enumerated duty of each, there is no way one can function 100% of time without the support of the other spouse. The irony of life is that ‘book literacy’ does not guarantee marital success.
It is a skill you either acquire from home or you ‘learn -as- you- go’ if you have a trainable and patient partner and patient enough to learn or to train!
As for you oh Muslim, the life of the Messenger and the Mothers of believer’s lives is enough template for successful marital bliss.
The Marriage and the Man:
The husband who in this case takes on the title of Mr., becomes “The Director” of Finance. he might be low on liquidity, The provider of security might himself be insecure, While the Civic Educator might be low on morals!
The Marriage and the Woman:
The wife in this instance becomes Mrs., she is instantly transformed into:”The Nursing officer”. She might be unaware of what could enhance the health of the family.
The “Educationist” might be in need of more information, the Home Manager might be a free or careless spender meanwhile, the Comforter might need more comforting.
Very few gave a thought to the above when getting wedded. It is those that have been in marriage that gives unsolicited advice when no one is ready to listen.
Where there is music, the tendency is to lose your head and your heart. Morals is ineffective to advocate where music and dancing is taking place. That is what you get during the Reception when myriad of advises is shorn at the ‘Just Wedded’. It is when the ‘eye is clear’ and the mind is settled to listen to advises and that happens when challenges starts rearing its head!
When the reality is seen: what should be your attitude? Steadfastness becomes a virtue and it is Good (41:35 Fussilat)
30. Verily, those who say: “Our Lord is Allah (Alone),” and then they are steadfast (Istaqamoo) , on them the angels will descend (at the time of their death) (saying): “Fear not, nor grieve! But receive the glad tidings of Paradise which you have been promised!
Whatever be your consideration when getting married
Beauty / Handsomeness, Family Lineage, Wealth: Qualification, finance, God consciousness is paramount as this will make you steady in your Salot
Where you take marriage as you watch it on film, then I clap for you!!!
If Your Religion does not determine your strength, then you are down for. Meanwhile, if you persevere, then the end will justify the means. Hear this:
31. “We have been your friends in the life of this world and are (so) in the Hereafter. Therein you shall have (all) that your inner-selves desire, and therein you shall have all that you ask for
If you rely on Allah, He strengthen you
Your expectation is moderated
You do not pin your hope on one that is poor to give you riches
A fearful person cannot give you security Make Allah your Waliy, He will be forever there
On the Day of Resurrection, you score your 50% if you did run away In marriage, easy does it. Patient, patient, patient.
If it is picnic, why will the married be said to be ‘Responsible’
32. “An entertainment from (Allah), the Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
33. And who is better in speech than he who (says: “My Lord is Allah (believes in His Oneness),” and then stands straight (acts upon His Order), and) invites (men) to Allahs (Islamic Monotheism), and does righteous deeds, and says: “I am one of the Muslims.”
In moment of anger
It is virtuous to remain calm
It pays to remember Allah- your Maker
Call on Him and Be assured of positive response
Rely on Allah who is infinite, if you rely on man, he is finite and you are finished
34. The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend. Repelling evil with goodness = is Good for you
Repelling goodness with evil = crises for you
Repelling evil with evil = more evil
Good deed and evil deed *are not equal
Know your limit, be satisfied with what is yours equals tranquility in your marriage
Be Patient! Patient Helps
35. But none is granted (the above quality) except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion (of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character).
To succeed you need patient
To be successful, you most be patient
To be successful, you must be meek
To be successful, you must pin your hope and reward on your Creator not on man
Diversion from goodness:
36. And if an evil whisper from Shaitan (Satan) tries to turn you away
(from doing good, etc.), then seek refuge in Allah. Verily, He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.
The Mischief Maker:
Magician, unbelievers, idol worshiper, blasphemers, are the human agent of the Shaitan the accursed.
All of these could lead to anger, anger could lead to uncouth words, this could lead to fighting which could lead to separation or divorce! What a chain!!! Seek refuge with Allah!!!
Cost of Effective Marriage and things to remember (3:134)
“The strong is not the one who overcome the people by his strength But, the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger”
Shouting, packing out, beating, abusing is never a useful tool in resolution of marital challenges Rather, it aggravate the situation
The way out – In case you have erred, there is a way out for you?
132. And obey Allah and the Messenger (Muhammad SAW) that you may obtain mercy.
133. And march forth in the way (which leads to) forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for Al-Muttaqoon (the pious
Spending on your family and caring for them is worship
Remember the adage: charity begins from home
134. Those who spend (in Allah’s Cause – deeds of charity, alms, etc.) in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allah loves Al-Muhsinoon (the gooddoers).
In case you have erred or otherwise:
135. And those who, when they have committed Fahishah (illegal sexual intercourse etc.) or wronged themselves with evil, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their sins; – and none can forgive sins but Allah – And do not persist in what (wrong) they have done, while they know.
When you repent sincerely
Forgive your partner
Overlook the other’s shortcoming
Repent sincerely and have a change of hearts
Your marriage become blissful
136. For such, the reward is Forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens with rivers flowing underneath (Paradise), wherein they shall abide forever. How excellent is this reward for the doers (who do righteous deeds according to Allahs Orders).
When Marriage become a challenge:
137. Many similar ways (and mishaps of life) were faced by nations (believers and disbelievers) that have passed away before you, so travel through the earth, and see what was the end of those who disbelieved (in the Oneness of Allah, and disobeyed Him and His Messengers).
Problem is part of life
Problem becomes problematic when you thing only you has problem
Problem becomes big when you abandon your Creator
Reliance on Allah while you seek practical solution is key
If you abandon your Creator, devil will take over your life
The closer you are to your Creator, the better for you
The quality of your marriage depends on sincerity of Faith
3:138. This (the Quran) is a plain statement for mankind, a guidance and instruction to those who are Al-Muttaqoon (the pious )
Applying the Sunnah in your matrimonial challenges makes your marriage life-long and lasting, and if you work at it, blissful.
The essence of life is to know that diplomacy is not only useful in International Relation if wars and conflict is to be eliminated; it is the tool of matrimony. Patience is a major component; remember, Allah is always with the patient.
Be patient with your spouse and children, pray to Allah (s.w.t) and trusting that your issues are before Allah (s.w.t), then success is yours.