S3x is one make-or-mar issue in marriage. It’s as important as the marriage itself. It would not be out of place to say that, without s3x, there is no marriage. It’s the only marital responsibility that cannot be delegated. That’s why it’s one issue that married couples can never be tired of discussing. The unprecedented responses to the write-up on irregular s3x on this platform attest to this fact. The responses have been massive and it’s not going to come to an end, soon.
S3x is one of the reasons for marriage contracts, and a silent point of divorce when it’s not properly handled by couples. We all must therefore be committed to making s3x work in marriage ─ otherwise, we’ll have no real peace that is needed to enjoy, rather than endure marriage.
I have decided to write on sex and emotional intelligence today in response to the feedback I’ve received from couples in recent times about the write-up on irregular s3x. I believe it’ll help to resolve some of the concerns about it to a great extent. Such feedback includes s3x denial by husbands and wives, though more on the side of the wives.
In one instance, a husband stated that s3x starvation has been the order of the day for a couple of years in his marriage. This got me thinking about how this can be possible in a marriage. I then concluded that emotional intelligence should be of help.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you. That’s, the ability to perceive, interpret, demonstrate, control, evaluate, and use emotions to communicate with and relate to others effectively and constructively.
This is essential in every relationship, and concerning marriage, it’s of great necessity. Lack of, or poor emotional intelligence is one major cause of marital disharmony. Marriages fail due to the poor or low emotional intelligence of couples. Studies have shown that men reach emotional maturity around 43 years, while 32 years of age is where most women mature.
Because both genders join the workforce or start a family much earlier than this emotional maturity age bracket, it sometimes negatively affects how they manage their homes, since at the marriage point, they don’t have a decent level of control over their emotional state.
One of the areas in marriage that emotional intelligence impacts is s3x. Since s3x is a thing of emotions, the level of emotional intelligence of the spouses will play a role in determining how couples handle it. A couple with low or poor emotional intelligence will not enjoy great s3x regularly. The reverse will be the case for spouses with good or balanced emotional intelligence.
For instance, a spouse who could deny her husband sex is low or poor in emotional intelligence. This means she cannot manage and understand her emotions and those of her husband. She doesn’t show empathy for her husband’s pains from lack of access to s3x. A couple that will enjoy great s3x in marriage must not be selfish in matters of s3x. S3x must be handled by each partner as a thing of mutual enjoyment. This is what makes s3x flow regularly in marriage.
It’s a general notion that one reason some wives don’t subscribe to s3x regularly is because they see their husbands as using them in the act of s3x. Thus, they see s3x as a burden placed on them by their husbands. In other to display emotional intelligence, you must think of your emotions and consider those of your spouse,i.e. husband or wife. S3x should not be only about yourself, you must think about your spouse as well. S3x must be conducted in the best interest of each other. You don’t insist on time, style, location, etc. for s3x on your terms. Rather, it must be on mutually agreed terms.
Emotional intelligence will also consider the underlying factors that may affect the response of your spouse to s3x. For instance, when asked for the reasons given by his wife, the s3x-starved husband said his wife would always allude to offences committed years ago and thus closed up for s3x. The husband will have to probe further and show great remorse for the acts she has been complaining about, rather than glossing over or ignoring them.
Emotional intelligence demands that consideration be given to the situation in which a wife doesn’t reach orgasm in the act of s3x. The husband must be concerned and communicate with her on how best to conduct their s3x life for her to reach orgasm more regularly. Not only that, husbands who fail in the act of sex due to poor erection or premature ejaculation must be remorseful rather than seeing it as one of those things. He should realise that his wife suffers when he cannot deliver when it matters most.
Emotional intelligence requires that a spouse must consider the temptations his or her spouse will be exposed to if sex becomes irregular in the marriage. One sex-starved husband confessed to engaging in extramarital affairs along the line, while it lasted.
The point I am making is that couples must take advantage of emotional intelligence to improve their sex life to make it a regular affair in the marriage. Fortunately, emotional intelligence is something that can be learnt and improved on. There’s, therefore, no excuse for not laying hold of knowledge of emotional intelligence, which is lacking in many spouses due to ignorance.
You can avail yourself of copies of my books ‘Enjoying Great S3x Life’ and ‘How to Help Your Wife Enjoy S3x’. Please contact 08112658560 for details. SMS only.
